you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my being single is dangerous.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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