Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
