how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
