GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize