I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need water and some morals
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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