she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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