This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize