Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My cat gives me a boner
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
