Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
