you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
