The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
