i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
