he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
