I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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