i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
