im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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