Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
