Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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