Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
