i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
