If that was your dad, he is hot
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
