Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My Higher Power is John Stamos
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think people are normalizing furries
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
