take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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