Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
