I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
