Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
