i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
