he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm too high and old for this...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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