Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
