Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
