Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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