Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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