I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
