Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
