haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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