Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
