i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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