Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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