i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize