I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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