Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize