and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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