the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
