i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
