he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
