He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
