Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
