Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
