i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
