At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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