You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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