When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
