Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
