this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
