my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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