Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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