Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
