just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
