i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
