I wish life had little blips of pornography
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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