If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
