Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
