thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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