there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
