I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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