I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
