There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
