Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize