just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
