Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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