need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
