I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
