i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
