this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
