$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
