Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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