Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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