i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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