Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
what is it with giant penises always finding me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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