3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize