It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
tell me about the eggs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
