goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everything about him screamed your future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
