Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she smelled like a LAN party
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
