I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
