Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize