How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
