they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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