he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
