The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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