just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
