I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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