In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
