Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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