Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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