He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
