apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
