Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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