She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
